Oli Allen / oliciv.net

I dislike forwarded emails, but I do like funny things - and since the 2 people I actually expect to read this blog will find this funny, I can justify posting it.

You know you’re from Somerset when…

• You thinks Bath’s a big city ..
• You can tell sheep from goats ..
• You know why to avoid Bridgwater ..
• You think Bristol is ‘up north’ ..
• The smell of cow sh*t makes you feel at home ..
• Everywhere else in the UK feels cold ..
• You learnt to drive in a field or on a beach ..
• You know Tesco’s don’t make meat, eggs, milk etc. ..
• When the sun goes down it gets dark ..
• Your local newspaper’s headline is ‘cow falls off bridge’ ..
• You turned to drink, drugs or heavy metal at an early age ..
• Your 4×4 has mud on it and it doesn’t do the school run ..
• You get excited/worried if you ever go on a motorway ..
• Your friends say you sound like a farmer ..
• You have nothing to do after 5:30pm ..
• You think pink wellies are a fashion statement ..
• You know how to walk over a cattle grid ..
• ‘Short and choppy on the North coast’ makes total sense to you ..
• You think nothing of grass growing in the middle of the road ..
• You know all your neighbours ..
• Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you think a young farmers’ disco is a wild night out ..
• Until you went on holiday, the tallest building you had ever seen was Debenhams in Taunton ..
• You drink real ale ..
• You went to London………… once……….. ..
• It takes you 4 times longer to drive anywhere between May and September ..
• You’re a closet fan of The Wurzels ..
• Your neighbours’ average age is 76 ..
• You can buy most of your wardrobe at Mole Valley Farmers ..
• Your best friend goes joyriding in tractors ..
• You can’t stand the tourists, despite living off their money ..
• You thought it was normal for more than 50% of your high street’s shops to be operated by charities …
• Biggest story on the local TV news is a cat locked in a shed for 2 days in Yeovil ..
• Second biggest story, man fell off his bike in Glastonbury ..
• You take a torch to the pub ..
• Your entire phone number used to have 3 digits, it now has 6! ..
• You suffer from advanced lead poisoning from eating blackberries from hedgerows throughout the 80s. ..
• Your car has mud and straw in the boot ..
• You know mud is supposed to be reddish ..
• You haven’t gone to the Glastonbury Festival since they improved the security fences ..
• And you still call it the Pilton Pop Festival. ..
• you know the smell of cellophane .
• by the time you are legally old enough to drink, you’ve already had enough cider to last a lifetime ..
• your escape plans involve Berry’s Coaches ..
• you’ve been up the Wellington Monument ..
• the only non-white people you’ve met were running takeaways ..
• thankfully, your accent mysteriously broadens as you enter country pubs ..
• you’ve broken into Vivary Park after dark ..
• you sneeze and the whole town gets a cold ..
• you called shoes for PE at school, daps ..

(I’m on the Wiltshire/Somerset border, so most of these still apply :D)